January 2010
7 posts
Charmer.
Me: Hey what are you doing?
Joshua: Uhh I'm hanging out with this broad.
Me: Ooooh like a date?
Joshua: I guess. We better make out or something because if not, I've missed an entire night of watching hockey.
I’m almost positive I would rank in a hot dog eating contest.
“Even though I would literally throw myself into things, I was eternally skimming...”
– “A Strange Tale from Down by the River” by Banana Yoshimoto
Me: Dude. How do you work with these girls all day?
Todd: Well, I'm usually drunk...
It kept going
Me: Oh man, did you hear about this Gothic cruise?
Lance: Uhh what
Me: Yeah, it's real life. It's a gothic cruise. It's exactly what it sounds like. I wonder if the ship is a pirate ship.
Lance: Do you think they dye the pool red?
Lance: "Oh hey...I gotta go back to my room to re-apply my eyeliner. I'll meet you down at the hot tub in 20"
Me: I bet the cast of Twilight goes
Lance: They're all gonna get sunburnt!
Me: "My cape keeps getting in the way of my shuffleboard skills"
“The mind is the only thing about human beings that’s worth anything. Why...”
– Kurt Vonnegut, Jr
Drunk Tim is the best
(Before reading this, please imagine a gay man's voice with Tim's dialogue)
Tim: You look like my grandpaaa
Ryan: Oh...is it my scarf?
Tim: No! I think it's your hairrrr.
Ryan: Hah, thanks?
Tim: Yeah, he's a majorrrr drug dealer in Michigan.